trypanophobic | emp IC contact

[The awkward openness didn't stop after a day. A few days after their talk about their sisters, Blue remained in that strangely cheerful, babbling mood of his, and Killua finds himself alone with Blue once again while Gon had gone out fishing for their dinner (Blue decided not to go; Gyarados might get upset again).]

[Blue's been sighing and looking troubled (or as troubled as someone as cheerful as he is lately can manage), and finally he throws himself listlessly across the couch, shooting Killua slanted brows that somehow can't manage to seem too upset.]

It's no use.... It's bugging me too much!

I've been looking around for someone from home, but I can't seem to find him... He won't respond to me, either. [His mouth twists] I wonder if he really is avoiding me again...

[yeah, something’s definitely off. being open about feelings???? especially..... those kinds? the most embarrassing ones? Killua can’t even imagine.

which is why it snags his interest, honestly. morbid curiosity. and fonder feelings, but as established, we aren’t talking about that. so..... Killua’s steps falter, peering towards Blue curiously.]

Someone from home?

[why hadn’t he mentioned? it wasn’t that.... Gumza dude or whatever, from the sound of it.]

... A friend?

Ah....

[Blue pauses, and thinks on it. What a complicated question.] I wonder if I can call him that anymore...

[His brow creases, looking sheepish.] I guess I’d call him my rival! But we grew up together, so back then we were definitely friends.

But a lot of stuff happened. [He rests his chin on the side of the couch.] I wanted to find him and talk about it. When I found out he was here, I kinda.... lost it.

[the fruit this question bears is.... interesting... grew up together, but became rivals? two concepts that are foreign to Killua, but he thinks he likes the idea of a rival.

further... complicated feelings, a lot of stuff happening. Killua can understand that. in fact, it's been troubling him for close to a year. is this yet another point between them that Killua can relate to? maybe... some kind of opportunity for clarity, eventually...?

curious, he cautiously sits down on the arm rest of the couch on the other side, crossing his legs as he rests a palm on one of his knees, his other hand holding his position as he watches Blue.]

What do you mean?

[the word choice makes a wave of nausea swim through Killua, momentarily; the air around him appears to visibly ripple, subtle like a mirage, but it's brief. aside from a slight setting of his jaw, when he thinks of Gon's body, warped and destroyed by grief and anger as he continued to methodically beat a pulpy puddle where someone's head used to be, it doesn't show on his face.]

[Blue purses his lips again and hums quietly.] Well....

[Cue montage of: The ground shaking and a hairline crack splitting the ground outside the Welcome Center; Blue shoving Red into a wall; Red punching Blue in the face; a soaking wet, sobbing Blue spending a month causing torrential storms in the woods...]

...It’s been a while since I’ve seen him....

[His eyes turn down, guilt plain on his face.] ...and it’s my own fault, I guess. When we were kids he was always there for me, but then it started to feel like he’d just abandoned me.

It’s kind of complicated, I guess, but I really regret it. I just can’t ever seem to tell him that... But, I really want to!

That’s why I’ve been trying to contact him, but that guy is good at disappearing, I guess. He never responded to messages at home, so I guess I shouldn’t be surprised he isn’t here, either.

[Killua listens, but looks confused. how is it Blue's fault? he regrets...being abandoned? he didn't respond to Blue—?

is he...mad at Blue, or something? he definitely feels like he's missing some info.]

Um.

[...and Killua realizes, he has no experience with friendship. not really. just Gon. and they never...

Killua straightens, his gut twisting with guilt, mind suddenly racing. he had to, for a number of reasons... but it was also because of his own design, and his own intentions.

Killua had turned his back on Gon. he'd responded to Gon's messages less and less, unable to bear the sitting ache in his heart, the sticky confusion and remorse.]

Do you— [Killua knows he probably should be careful. he would hate if anyone asked questions about it, in Blue's shoes. but. it's bothering Blue, right? the missing piece. and also—]

Do you... know why he grew distant...?

That's kinda part of why I wanna talk to him, you know? I wasn't...

[Blue's lips press together, and suddenly he seems to skip a beat. What was he talking about this for....? That's right, because he wanted to thank Red. He had had an overwhelming swell of thankfulness, as he remembered, as he thought about their childhood together.]

[He'd been feeling... a little lonely.....]

I got mad, I guess. And after that I wasn't good to him for a long time. That's why I can't really say we're friends, anymore.

It's my fault he left, and I know that... I just wish I could tell him.

[Realizing himself with a sudden flush, Blue quickly leans up and rubs the back of his neck, hesitating.]

--Ah, but anyway, I guess if I can't get into contact with him, it'll just have to wait another time. I've been waiting all this time anyway, I guess.

[Killua's well aware that Blue is acting different, so he wonders if he really will tell Red. he gets that. he thinks of the unkind things he suffered from Gon, knowing that Gon wasn't himself because of his emotions. man, NGL was just a bunch of ass.

so, no judgement.]

If you want to tell him... you want to be friends again with him, right?

...It sounds difficult. Gon and I have only known each other for a couple years... and even so, I can't imagine what that's like.

[even though he began to facilitate the distance between them. he had to. it wasn't healthy anymore. but here they were again, living together... even in the same room. without Alluka, or Killua's promise to Bisky applying to leave Gon until he was stronger, since they were in a whole different world...

he's just right back on his bullshit with Gon. and he remembers what he wouldn't let himself miss every day, now. how much he missed Gon. and their friendship was still so young in comparison to Blue's and this guy's?]

Edited 2019-07-12 19:30 (UTC)

[Blue's eyes slide self-consciously towards Killua, mouth squirming like he's having difficulty replying to that question- even fog-brained.]

[Finally, not looking at the other boy, and in a small voice] He was my only real friend, back home.

[A couple years, huh? And that's how long it's been, just since Blue has even seen Red. He wonders if he's crazy for waiting that long. Maybe he really just is pathetic.]

[He slides off the arm of the sofa and uncomfortably grips his arm.] ...I think I'm gonna go out and see if I can spot a trace of his Pokémon. They're pretty big, and I heard he was training up in the mountains, back home, so... So maybe I'll find them.

[He quickly dips over to grab his bag, and hurries towards the door- but he grips the handle and glances back towards Killua.] ...It's good that Gon is here, right? He's your friend.

[And just like he'd said, the night Gon arrived- that was why he didn't need Blue around anymore.]

[Killua holds Blue's gaze, guiltily finding himself unable to answer Blue's question, at first. of course it's good. but Killua's somehow scared of it, too. that makes him sort of ungrateful, doesn't it?]

...Mm.

[his gaze drops, then he lifts his head back up suddenly, a thought occurring to him. he finds Blue's eyes again, looking into them more confidently, more directly. more resolve.]

Blue. When you do find him...

...I'll make sure you tell him how you feel.

[Drawing in a breath at Killua's resolve, Blue feels momentary panic, but also... some relief? He's being supported. This is what he wants, right?]

[Sure. Sure it is.]

[He weakly smiles, and gives Killua a shaky little salute.]

I know I can count on you, Killua!

I'll be back in a bit! Smell ya later!!

emp IC contact

action // BACKDATED TO DURING FOG EVENT after the first awkward convo

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