EMPATHEIAS NAVIGATION
code by cawaii
played in empatheias
BL ANIME AU, BASICALLY
[You know what, maybe Blue and Killua had gotten a little caught up in their hubris here. Aside from where their gym activities intersected, the two didn't really interact much—there were curious, stolen glances from across halls and classrooms, but they'd never really spoken much, despite the two of them holding their own polar, lofty positions. And one of their matched positions at this school was in anything athletic. In these intersections, they finally talked—and it was a lot of shit-talking.
Killua didn't consider Blue a rival, exactly. Not even in sports. He couldn't lift as much as Killua, and was weaker in general—but he was pretty fantastic in cardio based stuff, and not many people could actually match Killua in much of anything. So it was fun to antagonize him. Killua never challenged him to stuff Killua knew he'd win; that just wasn't fun.
The school was more into their perceived rivalry than anyone. Swooning schoolgirls and nosy, rowdy schoolboys all had their own opinions about Killua Zoldyck, the mysterious transfer student who'd appeared out of nowhere to steal Blue's thunder. Not that Killua really had; the Oaks had deep roots (ha) in this city, but so did the Zoldyck's by proxy of some other big name ties—giving the two directly opposite reputations.
It was all rumor and hearsay, but it sounded like the Zoldyck's were part of the mob, if not a whole famiglia themselves. Some people joked that it was like Killua was the devil with his rumored roots, and Blue was an angel, with all the advances in science the Oak's had contributed. They were a charitable, hyper intelligent family, too. But the joke was that Blue wasn't much of an angel, himself—while not unfriendly quite outright, he certainly rubbed plenty of people the wrong way. But he was too dazzling for it to make a dent in his popularity.
Killua decided that Blue sort of annoyed him, that way—but embarrassingly, it pulled him in, too. He was curious about what that kind of kid would be like, even if he already had a strong, biased theory. Just some douchey, pretty boy with a lot of money... but then, so was Killua, and he was buried to his neck in his own skeletons. All the same, Killua wasn't really magnetized enough to talk to him like a normal person.
But sports? Different story.
And Blue was competitive as hell—the two had actually sort of gotten off path, so confident they could jog back onto the trail before their classmates had even caught up after their private race. But as luck would have it, it began to storm quite badly—Killua worried it may have been a monsoon, actually.
So now, their uniforms miserably clung to their bodies, Killua's standing under an old stone bridge with Blue, scowling as water drips from his sagging hair, a darker gray with its saturation.]
Tch, stupid rain! You'd think the damn teacher would've known about something like that before letting us run track outside!
[the weather had been so nice, too...]
I was close, too...
Killua didn't consider Blue a rival, exactly. Not even in sports. He couldn't lift as much as Killua, and was weaker in general—but he was pretty fantastic in cardio based stuff, and not many people could actually match Killua in much of anything. So it was fun to antagonize him. Killua never challenged him to stuff Killua knew he'd win; that just wasn't fun.
The school was more into their perceived rivalry than anyone. Swooning schoolgirls and nosy, rowdy schoolboys all had their own opinions about Killua Zoldyck, the mysterious transfer student who'd appeared out of nowhere to steal Blue's thunder. Not that Killua really had; the Oaks had deep roots (ha) in this city, but so did the Zoldyck's by proxy of some other big name ties—giving the two directly opposite reputations.
It was all rumor and hearsay, but it sounded like the Zoldyck's were part of the mob, if not a whole famiglia themselves. Some people joked that it was like Killua was the devil with his rumored roots, and Blue was an angel, with all the advances in science the Oak's had contributed. They were a charitable, hyper intelligent family, too. But the joke was that Blue wasn't much of an angel, himself—while not unfriendly quite outright, he certainly rubbed plenty of people the wrong way. But he was too dazzling for it to make a dent in his popularity.
Killua decided that Blue sort of annoyed him, that way—but embarrassingly, it pulled him in, too. He was curious about what that kind of kid would be like, even if he already had a strong, biased theory. Just some douchey, pretty boy with a lot of money... but then, so was Killua, and he was buried to his neck in his own skeletons. All the same, Killua wasn't really magnetized enough to talk to him like a normal person.
But sports? Different story.
And Blue was competitive as hell—the two had actually sort of gotten off path, so confident they could jog back onto the trail before their classmates had even caught up after their private race. But as luck would have it, it began to storm quite badly—Killua worried it may have been a monsoon, actually.
So now, their uniforms miserably clung to their bodies, Killua's standing under an old stone bridge with Blue, scowling as water drips from his sagging hair, a darker gray with its saturation.]
Tch, stupid rain! You'd think the damn teacher would've known about something like that before letting us run track outside!
[the weather had been so nice, too...]
I was close, too...
toplevel for rem!
[it's been an interesting year for Killua.
he's finally found something he wants to do—a vague life path, so much clearer a year ago. take care of Alluka, something he was prepared to commit himself to for the rest of his life. to protect her, and, regrettably, to some larger extent, to busy himself.
it's a symptom of his upbringing as a tool conjunct with his depthless well of love that he can't really seem to figure a way out of—a purpose lackluster without an utter devotion to some person as his cause. and after NGL, after he'd seen what had become of Gon under such impossibly unfavorable circumstances... it had shocked him out of a spell he didn't realize he was under. the whole walk from the site of Neferpitou's defeat, Gon's hair too long, sticky and coarse with blood, warming and wetting the side of Killua as he numbly trudged forward, determined, tiredly, to right Gon's wrong—yet again—he'd thought about this. he'd thought about Greed Island, how he'd destroyed his hands purely for Gon's simple, earnest affirmations... the nature of those feelings became more and more clear the further Killua felt that Gon was slipping away from him.
and now, sitting on the balcony of his hotel room, Alluka peacefully asleep in the next room, Killua is pensive. unable to sleep, though that isn't unusual, it's one night of many where he's ruminating on these things. the gravity of Gon's emotional depths, and the dark places it could go, as well as his own, and how those two things tangled and bred such a horrific, twisted beast... it wasn't what Killua wanted, from their friendship. and there was some association to his feelings with that beast—realizing an aspect of their codependency, at least from Killua's perspective, was something less than platonic. a lot less, even. for years. and distantly, how Killua had felt it, and subconsciously, how he'd known it, and how actively, he'd stifled it.
and neatly, he'd tidied it away, coldly and casually dismissing Gon as his number two from then on. shutting it down, putting up a wall... but that wasn't right either, was it?
it always feels like Killua's forced to make decisions, and that there are no true right answers.
he'd hoped, taking Alluka into his care, that maybe without that obsessive devotion, without the light of that right under his nose, he might be able to stray his thoughts from it. and for most days, it feels like it works. it's not to say that Killua doesn't correspond with Gon; they mail a few times a week, occasionally doing a video call if something interesting is going on, like the great migration of the volcanic cranes. and even to Alluka, Killua's ritualistically downplayed his feelings for Gon, even as he lays empty headed and empty hearted in the night, uncharacteristically still as Alluka dozes close to him, or against him, staring at the ceiling, somehow, despite all of this, selfishly—so selfishly—still having the audacity to feel lonely.
that, above everything else, highlights Killua's feelings. the distance is easy until some nights where it unbearably isn't, and he keeps it to himself—growing increasingly withdrawn, inward, and serious. not to say he doesn't joke easily with Alluka, or through his correspondences with Gon, but... there's something he's holding back. just like before he snapped before Palm, beseeching her as someone more worthy of Gon's emotional depths than him, he's just letting something he's too scared to name build.
but the distance helps, too, to bring clarity to it. maybe. he's not sure if he should really address it—but it's like a sickness. it hasn't cleared up on his own... so what can he do, right? it's not like he really has anyone to talk to about it. and he and Alluka visited Whale Island, recently—but just once, which felt so criminal and bittersweet. without Alluka, Killua's not so sure he could convince himself to leave in a timely manner—which might be why he visited Gon at all, having Alluka in tow.
but it's been a couple months, since then—and being physically apart from Gon for so long...
he thought it was bad before, how sometimes a catching of their eyes would give his heart an urgent little hiccup, increasing the rate of its pulse... how even though they could bathe together, Killua couldn't stand it if Gon accidentally touched his hand, and how at the same time, he coveted their nearness like any casual vice. but after visiting... it was hard not to seek that out, almost hoping and praying for points of contact from Gon, feeling gross for it—like a bad friend&madsh;who feels like that, who wants that, from their best friend?—and in leaving...
that yawning yearning deep within Killua is more apparent than ever, and it's more and more clear... maybe this just isn't something he can run from.
Killua scrubs his palm down his face, taking his phone out of his pocket again with a weary, dry sigh. he's waffled on this idea for a couple of weeks, but he's decided if he can't stop thinking about it, he just has to. so he does.
he's thought about what to say, over and over again—addendums, additions, thinking about what is and isn't productive to say... and most mystifying of all, what he's trying to convey, or what he hopes to get out of anything. it's purely selfish, isn't it? solely to unburden himself from his own feelings, to his helpless friend, hundreds of miles away...
it wasn't like they'd be apart forever, so Killua's told himself this whole time to keep his shit together, and to ween himself off his feelings. but then, those feelings didn't ebb. he doesn't know what to do.
so he sends a huge, risky text. the night breeze calmly shuffles the snowy strings of his bangs, gaze downcast, worn eyes lit from the blue glow of his screen. and he types away. it's only 1, but he knows Gon is surely asleep by then. Gon can read it whenever, respond whenever—and if he doesn't respond at all, Killua can just pretend, like the feelings that brought this on in the first place, like nothing ever happened.]
he's finally found something he wants to do—a vague life path, so much clearer a year ago. take care of Alluka, something he was prepared to commit himself to for the rest of his life. to protect her, and, regrettably, to some larger extent, to busy himself.
it's a symptom of his upbringing as a tool conjunct with his depthless well of love that he can't really seem to figure a way out of—a purpose lackluster without an utter devotion to some person as his cause. and after NGL, after he'd seen what had become of Gon under such impossibly unfavorable circumstances... it had shocked him out of a spell he didn't realize he was under. the whole walk from the site of Neferpitou's defeat, Gon's hair too long, sticky and coarse with blood, warming and wetting the side of Killua as he numbly trudged forward, determined, tiredly, to right Gon's wrong—yet again—he'd thought about this. he'd thought about Greed Island, how he'd destroyed his hands purely for Gon's simple, earnest affirmations... the nature of those feelings became more and more clear the further Killua felt that Gon was slipping away from him.
and now, sitting on the balcony of his hotel room, Alluka peacefully asleep in the next room, Killua is pensive. unable to sleep, though that isn't unusual, it's one night of many where he's ruminating on these things. the gravity of Gon's emotional depths, and the dark places it could go, as well as his own, and how those two things tangled and bred such a horrific, twisted beast... it wasn't what Killua wanted, from their friendship. and there was some association to his feelings with that beast—realizing an aspect of their codependency, at least from Killua's perspective, was something less than platonic. a lot less, even. for years. and distantly, how Killua had felt it, and subconsciously, how he'd known it, and how actively, he'd stifled it.
and neatly, he'd tidied it away, coldly and casually dismissing Gon as his number two from then on. shutting it down, putting up a wall... but that wasn't right either, was it?
it always feels like Killua's forced to make decisions, and that there are no true right answers.
he'd hoped, taking Alluka into his care, that maybe without that obsessive devotion, without the light of that right under his nose, he might be able to stray his thoughts from it. and for most days, it feels like it works. it's not to say that Killua doesn't correspond with Gon; they mail a few times a week, occasionally doing a video call if something interesting is going on, like the great migration of the volcanic cranes. and even to Alluka, Killua's ritualistically downplayed his feelings for Gon, even as he lays empty headed and empty hearted in the night, uncharacteristically still as Alluka dozes close to him, or against him, staring at the ceiling, somehow, despite all of this, selfishly—so selfishly—still having the audacity to feel lonely.
that, above everything else, highlights Killua's feelings. the distance is easy until some nights where it unbearably isn't, and he keeps it to himself—growing increasingly withdrawn, inward, and serious. not to say he doesn't joke easily with Alluka, or through his correspondences with Gon, but... there's something he's holding back. just like before he snapped before Palm, beseeching her as someone more worthy of Gon's emotional depths than him, he's just letting something he's too scared to name build.
but the distance helps, too, to bring clarity to it. maybe. he's not sure if he should really address it—but it's like a sickness. it hasn't cleared up on his own... so what can he do, right? it's not like he really has anyone to talk to about it. and he and Alluka visited Whale Island, recently—but just once, which felt so criminal and bittersweet. without Alluka, Killua's not so sure he could convince himself to leave in a timely manner—which might be why he visited Gon at all, having Alluka in tow.
but it's been a couple months, since then—and being physically apart from Gon for so long...
he thought it was bad before, how sometimes a catching of their eyes would give his heart an urgent little hiccup, increasing the rate of its pulse... how even though they could bathe together, Killua couldn't stand it if Gon accidentally touched his hand, and how at the same time, he coveted their nearness like any casual vice. but after visiting... it was hard not to seek that out, almost hoping and praying for points of contact from Gon, feeling gross for it—like a bad friend&madsh;who feels like that, who wants that, from their best friend?—and in leaving...
that yawning yearning deep within Killua is more apparent than ever, and it's more and more clear... maybe this just isn't something he can run from.
Killua scrubs his palm down his face, taking his phone out of his pocket again with a weary, dry sigh. he's waffled on this idea for a couple of weeks, but he's decided if he can't stop thinking about it, he just has to. so he does.
he's thought about what to say, over and over again—addendums, additions, thinking about what is and isn't productive to say... and most mystifying of all, what he's trying to convey, or what he hopes to get out of anything. it's purely selfish, isn't it? solely to unburden himself from his own feelings, to his helpless friend, hundreds of miles away...
it wasn't like they'd be apart forever, so Killua's told himself this whole time to keep his shit together, and to ween himself off his feelings. but then, those feelings didn't ebb. he doesn't know what to do.
so he sends a huge, risky text. the night breeze calmly shuffles the snowy strings of his bangs, gaze downcast, worn eyes lit from the blue glow of his screen. and he types away. it's only 1, but he knows Gon is surely asleep by then. Gon can read it whenever, respond whenever—and if he doesn't respond at all, Killua can just pretend, like the feelings that brought this on in the first place, like nothing ever happened.]
i guess this lives here instead
Who: Killua, Blue, Gon
Where: Babyhouse (the apartment of said 3 people)
When: After Helisium
Format: [brackets]
Open/Closed closed
Summary: Killua comes home drunk as fuck from his attempt to decompress at the festival—but there's a reason why Killua isn't much for letting loose and living in the moment...
( but that's for tomorrow Killua to worry about )
Where: Babyhouse (the apartment of said 3 people)
When: After Helisium
Format: [brackets]
Open/Closed closed
Summary: Killua comes home drunk as fuck from his attempt to decompress at the festival—but there's a reason why Killua isn't much for letting loose and living in the moment...
( but that's for tomorrow Killua to worry about )
(no subject)
𝐃𝐀𝐘.
b x 𝓭𝓸 𝔂𝓸𝓾 𝓮𝓿𝓮𝓷 𝓵𝓲𝓯𝓽?
[TEXT HERE]
𝐌𝐀𝐒𝐐𝐔𝐄𝐑𝐀𝐃𝐄.
b x 𝓻𝓸𝓵𝓵 𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝓭𝓲𝓬𝓮
1) [WOW, SLOTS. killua losing his mind and his money on the slots. he doesn't realize he's been doing this for like, an hour]
2) [WOW, NOT SLOTS ARE GOOD TOO. killua trying his hand at riskier games, getting increasingly worked up/yelling. isn't he a little young for this? he contests this stubbornly!]
c x 𝓫𝓪𝓻 𝔂𝓸𝓾 𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓭𝔂?
1) [cool down time! killua's been partying, but it's NOT ENOUGH. IT'S TIME TO BE BAD respond with RNG 1-6 for killua's latest emotional response to whatever drink he's stolen]
2) [killua's .........drunk. not all the drinks he snatched were alcoholic, and whatever the emotional effects he's gone through from then until now, he is wasted now.]
e x 𝓪𝓯𝓽𝓮𝓻𝓶𝓪𝓽𝓱
1) [romantic firework watching...]
2) [SAVING UR ASS WOW too drunk for this]
b x 𝓭𝓸 𝔂𝓸𝓾 𝓮𝓿𝓮𝓷 𝓵𝓲𝓯𝓽?
[TEXT HERE]
𝐌𝐀𝐒𝐐𝐔𝐄𝐑𝐀𝐃𝐄.
b x 𝓻𝓸𝓵𝓵 𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝓭𝓲𝓬𝓮
1) [WOW, SLOTS. killua losing his mind and his money on the slots. he doesn't realize he's been doing this for like, an hour]
2) [WOW, NOT SLOTS ARE GOOD TOO. killua trying his hand at riskier games, getting increasingly worked up/yelling. isn't he a little young for this? he contests this stubbornly!]
c x 𝓫𝓪𝓻 𝔂𝓸𝓾 𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓭𝔂?
1) [cool down time! killua's been partying, but it's NOT ENOUGH. IT'S TIME TO BE BAD respond with RNG 1-6 for killua's latest emotional response to whatever drink he's stolen]
2) [killua's .........drunk. not all the drinks he snatched were alcoholic, and whatever the emotional effects he's gone through from then until now, he is wasted now.]
e x 𝓪𝓯𝓽𝓮𝓻𝓶𝓪𝓽𝓱
1) [romantic firework watching...]
2) [SAVING UR ASS WOW too drunk for this]
JULY CATCHALL IDEAS FOR EMP???
killua:
1) hitting up webby for a thank you and a date
2) maybe something with gon..... nightmare log?? has a nightmare bc of fog stuff (also illumi stuff) and remembers hospital gon and freaks out. maybe cries a little. he's never cried in front of gon... so i might wanna save that for another log. some desperately scrambly hugs
3) wandering bc he's stressed about that gon clone, stressed about blue and gon, stressed about bein FUCKIN GAY. wandering a) in verens, and b) in the forest. forest killua's probably training, verens hes probably walking around w junkfood.........? or maybe he's checking out some dumb steam skateboard lol.........
plumeria:
1) NEW IN TOWN!!!! catchall for hanging out in the cabin, closed to roomies.
2) shopping for makeup. opportunity to talk with other girls?
3) speaking of being out and about in verens, plum and salazzle on the town!
1) hitting up webby for a thank you and a date
2) maybe something with gon..... nightmare log?? has a nightmare bc of fog stuff (also illumi stuff) and remembers hospital gon and freaks out. maybe cries a little. he's never cried in front of gon... so i might wanna save that for another log. some desperately scrambly hugs
3) wandering bc he's stressed about that gon clone, stressed about blue and gon, stressed about bein FUCKIN GAY. wandering a) in verens, and b) in the forest. forest killua's probably training, verens hes probably walking around w junkfood.........? or maybe he's checking out some dumb steam skateboard lol.........
plumeria:
1) NEW IN TOWN!!!! catchall for hanging out in the cabin, closed to roomies.
2) shopping for makeup. opportunity to talk with other girls?
3) speaking of being out and about in verens, plum and salazzle on the town!
(no subject)
1 x 𝓼𝓽𝓮𝓪𝓶 𝓬𝓵𝓸𝓷𝓮𝓼
[somehow, Blue, Gon and Killua, evacuating as a unit, have somehow in the panic of the crowds and the visual thick of the fog become split up.
and when Killua recognizes Gon's silhouette again, it's away from everyone else—which he finds kind of odd... but Killua runs towards him, regardless. once he becomes clear in his sight, Killua suddenly stops in his tracks, realizing immediately something feels very off. it's a feeling only; the energy that this vessel emanates is not like Gon's at all.
it steps forward, and Killua remains solid in his tracks, trying to understand what the hell is going on. not an inch about him looks unlike Gon. is it an affect of the thick fog? he says Killua's name as he steps closer, that he had something to tell him, but they had to be alone. it then professes that they should just go back to how they always were. that maybe they could use the confusion to run away, and just be alone.
Killua stammers out clumsy disagreements, increasingly agitated, and it reaches out. Killua realizes, then, indeed, this is not Gon. there is no warmth to his touch. in fact, Killua's breath catches in his throat in a gasp, the contact actually beginning to sting. he holds a terrified gaze on the visage of this thing that isn't his friend, unable to bring himself to move, even as his flesh burns under its possessive hold.]
—I don't understand... Don't you want to be together?
Stop it, [Killua pleads tensely, yanking his arm, and the thing yanks back.]
Killua! Listen to me!
[Killua squeezes his eyes shut, shoving his arm hard against the clone.] I said stop!!
[it doesn't relent, and pleads its tender feelings, holding desperately onto Killua's arm, which releases the caustic, disgusting stench of burning flesh in plumes of steam, now. Killua doesn't think—he reacts, claws springing from the tips of his fingers as he mercilessly slashes the thing across its middle—and a moment before it disperses in harmless steam, it looks a cross between surprised and hurt.
panting, arm bloody, and frankly, quite disgusting looking, still slightly steamy, Killua stares in apprehensive terror to where the thing once stood. his heart is racing, and he remembers what his brother said all those years ago: some day, he'd kill Gon.
so he...stands there, mind completely blanked in terror as he recovers.
be careful how you approach! he's almost disassociating. he may attack, or maybe you'll shake him back down to reality.]
2 x 𝓭𝓮𝓮𝓹𝓮𝓷𝓲𝓷𝓰 𝓯𝓸𝓰 (a)
[Killua is frantic. terrified. whether or not his state of shock has been intervened with, he's back running, searching desperately—but he's distrustful of almost everyone he runs into. they could also be clones. things have just been continuing to go badly for Killua—he has gotten no closer to finding his friends, and the elevated state of terror triggered by fake murdering his fake best friend has remained; he feels like he can't escape Illumi's icy, watchful gaze. all the terror, all the vulnerability—it's all there is right now.
he's tensely wound up, eyes wide, and he looks like a cornered, panicked animal.
even now, he's beginning to lose sight of himself. of what he's even trying to do.]
3 x 𝓭𝓮𝓮𝓹𝓮𝓷𝓲𝓷𝓰 𝓯𝓸𝓰 (b)
[—oooor maybe Killua is staggering around, eyes half lid, looking confused and almost drugged up. he's having a hard time focusing, figuring out what he needs to be doing—who he's looking for...
all he can hear is the distant ringing of Illumi's voice, and Killua is so tired from the terror. from the pursuit of someone who isn't even here, but Killua can't think of that, right now. it feels real. it feels like Illumi is really here. it feels like he's never going to be free, and he just feels exhausted. he staggers hard sideways, a hand on his head, and maybe knocks into a nearby wall—or person.
he doesn't think he can do it, anymore.]
[somehow, Blue, Gon and Killua, evacuating as a unit, have somehow in the panic of the crowds and the visual thick of the fog become split up.
and when Killua recognizes Gon's silhouette again, it's away from everyone else—which he finds kind of odd... but Killua runs towards him, regardless. once he becomes clear in his sight, Killua suddenly stops in his tracks, realizing immediately something feels very off. it's a feeling only; the energy that this vessel emanates is not like Gon's at all.
it steps forward, and Killua remains solid in his tracks, trying to understand what the hell is going on. not an inch about him looks unlike Gon. is it an affect of the thick fog? he says Killua's name as he steps closer, that he had something to tell him, but they had to be alone. it then professes that they should just go back to how they always were. that maybe they could use the confusion to run away, and just be alone.
Killua stammers out clumsy disagreements, increasingly agitated, and it reaches out. Killua realizes, then, indeed, this is not Gon. there is no warmth to his touch. in fact, Killua's breath catches in his throat in a gasp, the contact actually beginning to sting. he holds a terrified gaze on the visage of this thing that isn't his friend, unable to bring himself to move, even as his flesh burns under its possessive hold.]
—I don't understand... Don't you want to be together?
Stop it, [Killua pleads tensely, yanking his arm, and the thing yanks back.]
Killua! Listen to me!
[Killua squeezes his eyes shut, shoving his arm hard against the clone.] I said stop!!
[it doesn't relent, and pleads its tender feelings, holding desperately onto Killua's arm, which releases the caustic, disgusting stench of burning flesh in plumes of steam, now. Killua doesn't think—he reacts, claws springing from the tips of his fingers as he mercilessly slashes the thing across its middle—and a moment before it disperses in harmless steam, it looks a cross between surprised and hurt.
panting, arm bloody, and frankly, quite disgusting looking, still slightly steamy, Killua stares in apprehensive terror to where the thing once stood. his heart is racing, and he remembers what his brother said all those years ago: some day, he'd kill Gon.
so he...stands there, mind completely blanked in terror as he recovers.
be careful how you approach! he's almost disassociating. he may attack, or maybe you'll shake him back down to reality.]
2 x 𝓭𝓮𝓮𝓹𝓮𝓷𝓲𝓷𝓰 𝓯𝓸𝓰 (a)
[Killua is frantic. terrified. whether or not his state of shock has been intervened with, he's back running, searching desperately—but he's distrustful of almost everyone he runs into. they could also be clones. things have just been continuing to go badly for Killua—he has gotten no closer to finding his friends, and the elevated state of terror triggered by fake murdering his fake best friend has remained; he feels like he can't escape Illumi's icy, watchful gaze. all the terror, all the vulnerability—it's all there is right now.
he's tensely wound up, eyes wide, and he looks like a cornered, panicked animal.
even now, he's beginning to lose sight of himself. of what he's even trying to do.]
3 x 𝓭𝓮𝓮𝓹𝓮𝓷𝓲𝓷𝓰 𝓯𝓸𝓰 (b)
[—oooor maybe Killua is staggering around, eyes half lid, looking confused and almost drugged up. he's having a hard time focusing, figuring out what he needs to be doing—who he's looking for...
all he can hear is the distant ringing of Illumi's voice, and Killua is so tired from the terror. from the pursuit of someone who isn't even here, but Killua can't think of that, right now. it feels real. it feels like Illumi is really here. it feels like he's never going to be free, and he just feels exhausted. he staggers hard sideways, a hand on his head, and maybe knocks into a nearby wall—or person.
he doesn't think he can do it, anymore.]
Entry tags:
lil follow up log from gon's day of arrival
[with a little bit more arguing and scrapping, Killua and Gon have successfully submitted a few tasks. they decided afterwards that they should fish and forage. Gon doesn't have his pole, but showed Killua some alternative methods to catch fish. and Killua had the chance to show Gon his own, which is just straight up spearing the fish with his claws, which earns some gentle criticism from Gon since... you know, if you pop the guts, you can ruin the meat... but whatever, Killua just wanted to show off, anyway. it's good, wholesome fun.
the foraging is even fun. it takes Killua back, and he wonders if it was only fun because he got to do it with Gon. the whole time, if he looked outside their own little world for even two seconds, Killua was overwhelmed by his own happiness. true, the darkness lurked beneath, making him feel vaguely uneasy near constantly... but it's been greatly overshadowed over all.
he feels like he can't quite express how much he missed Gon. he knows Gon knows it, but Killua's never said as much, not even in their e-mails. he figures it goes without saying. but somehow, being abruptly reunited... especially without Alluka to keep him company, his soreness from not having Gon is so much more apparent.
now, fish wrapped in leaves, backpacks stuffed full of mushrooms, nuts and berries, Killua's sorting everything into his fridge. dirt is smeared on his cheek and shoulders, clothing stained with grass.
as Killua closes the fridge, he glances at Gon. Gon wanted to come to Killua's, which makes sense; his space is a little more lived in.]
We should move in together, out of this place.
[this place referring to where all the new transplants are crammed. part of Killua finds himself a little pathetic, how unable he is to keep himself from just wanting Gon around him all the time. especially since he feels it may not even actually be good for them... but he's just too weak to suggest anything else.]
the foraging is even fun. it takes Killua back, and he wonders if it was only fun because he got to do it with Gon. the whole time, if he looked outside their own little world for even two seconds, Killua was overwhelmed by his own happiness. true, the darkness lurked beneath, making him feel vaguely uneasy near constantly... but it's been greatly overshadowed over all.
he feels like he can't quite express how much he missed Gon. he knows Gon knows it, but Killua's never said as much, not even in their e-mails. he figures it goes without saying. but somehow, being abruptly reunited... especially without Alluka to keep him company, his soreness from not having Gon is so much more apparent.
now, fish wrapped in leaves, backpacks stuffed full of mushrooms, nuts and berries, Killua's sorting everything into his fridge. dirt is smeared on his cheek and shoulders, clothing stained with grass.
as Killua closes the fridge, he glances at Gon. Gon wanted to come to Killua's, which makes sense; his space is a little more lived in.]
We should move in together, out of this place.
[this place referring to where all the new transplants are crammed. part of Killua finds himself a little pathetic, how unable he is to keep himself from just wanting Gon around him all the time. especially since he feels it may not even actually be good for them... but he's just too weak to suggest anything else.]
empatheias CR
|
Gon has been living with Killua and Blue. It's come into recent clarity to Killua that Gon might possess some less than platonic feelings for Killua himself, after having made some comment about not being able to imagine himself having a wife while maintaining the sort of bond he has with Killua (after casually admitting he could see himself raising kids with Killua!!! WHAT). This changes a lot of Killua's perception of how Gon feels (wondering if Gon himself maybe isn't aware of his potential feelings), and what exactly is going on between them—it heightens his anxiety, but gives him some hope. But at the moment, he isn't really sure what to do; part of him still feels that their friendship needs work before they alter the nature of their relationship, if it's "right" to change it at all... Killua of course is also allowing a margin for being wrong...
x These two got off on the wrongest of feet, with Killua almost gutting Guzma as they blew up at each other over nothing during Killua's arrival on the TDM. Mutual hate. Killua's found that he and Guzma, however, both fight in the same illegal cage-fighting ring... and now, to his delight, they fight often. Killua has to self-impose some nerfing for the sake of having a sustainable fighting career in Verens, but that doesn't mean he doesn't enjoy beating the snot out of Guzma—and, likewise, getting thrown around quite a bit himself. Strangely, this has alleviated some of Killua's negative feelings for Guzma...but he still doesn't like him!
x
Killua and Blue became fast friends, somehow, though Killua's initial impression was that Blue was snotty and idiotic. Now, Killua's endlessly appreciative of Blue's patience and loyalty—there's a lot of things about Killua that frightens Blue, but because they have a strong empathetic bond and relate to each other so well, Blue does his best to be resilient in the face of these qualities. He feels like Blue teaches Killua to be more gentle with life, since he's so sensitive; his frailty tests Killua in a way that makes him stronger, emotionally. They're comfortable enough to cause trouble together, and Blue's the first person that Killua's come out to—and not without coincidence... Killua's as stressed as he is blessed by Blue's bond, feeling strained and uncertain between his budding feelings for Blue and established feelings for Gon. x
▰▰▰▰▰▰▱▱▱▱ ꜰʀᴇɴᴇᴍʏ
Like many people Killua eventually grows to like, Chloe and Killua really didn't get along at first. Killua was even cruel enough to deliberately frighten Chloe in an aggravated attempt to break down her bloated arrogance, when they first met. But he's warmed up to her a little—he finds her annoying, doesn't like her makeup, thinks she talks too much... but has decided that ultimately, she's really smart, and really kind. He won't admit it, but some of her nerdy interests interest him too—and she's the first openly queer person he's met in Empatheais, which made him feel a little bit more at ease about his own identity.
x He helped Killua when he was quite vulnerable in many ways—he was dazed and volatile, drugged up from the fog of an event, injured, and really worried about his friends. Alphinaud dragged him off and healed him, so Killua is impressed by his magic, even if he thinks he talks like a pompous ass. He'll never disregard Alphinaud's altruistic gesture, and also wants to maintain this connection because his best friend is a volatile idiot who likes to constantly almost die...... x
She told Killua he was a good older brother, and she was actually nice/helpful. Also, she has weapon proficiency despite seeming young, didn't have friends for a while, and they have over protective family members. So he relates to her/adores her. Also, she saved his ass during an event where he was basically drugged up, confused and volatile. Killua fuckin' LOVES Webby and is willing to fight anyone who is mean to her!!!!
x Kind of overbearingly kind. Killua bluntly admitted he'd like to be friends, because he wants more friends, and they're useful to have—but she definitely makes him feel a little awkward/uncomfortable. He's not used to people being so tender with him. Also, despite being impressed with her kind-but-tough nature, he definitely finds her annoying; she's good at teasing him...
x |
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cawaii
empatheias CR
GUZMA ⚡ ![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
golisolation
▰▱▱▱▱▱▱▱▱▱ ᴇɴᴇᴍʏ
golisolation▰▱▱▱▱▱▱▱▱▱ ᴇɴᴇᴍʏ
WORSE THAN TRASH. Killua hates Guzma's guts. They got into a fight the first week Killua arrived, and while he knows it's a benefit for his own safety in the long run, Killua regrets not having killed him—and he came pretty close, leaving Guzma with a nasty scar. Now Killua has plans to ruin Guzma's life, because Killua's life purpose is stranded back home without him. Why not cut holes in the pockets of enemies he can't kill? 0/10 would not recommend Guzma to a friend
BLUE OAK ⚡ blueser
▰▰▰▰▰▰▱▱▱▱ ꜰʀɪᴇɴᴅ
blueser▰▰▰▰▰▰▱▱▱▱ ꜰʀɪᴇɴᴅ
Initial impressions were tense and not great, but much to their mutual surprise, Killua and Blue ended up as friends. Mostly because they both dislike Guzma, and Blue helped Killua get Guzma's address. Killua trusts Blue (as tentatively as new friends do) because they're around the same age, and he finds him amusing. He's not sure if Blue's an idiot yet, but so far, he's thinking so.
RIKU ⚡ shadowedheart
▰▰▰▱▱▱▱▱▱▱ ɴ.ᴀ
shadowedheart ▰▰▰▱▱▱▱▱▱▱ ɴ.ᴀ
HE'S LIKE ME, BUT HOTTERpending
ALLEN WALKER ⚡ showmystar
▰▰▰▱▱▱▱▱▱▱ ɴ.ᴀ
showmystar ▰▰▰▱▱▱▱▱▱▱ ɴ.ᴀ
pending - probably not good
pending. probably gonna be the best and the worst at the same time
THIS IS A GOOD DUCK. Not that Killua knows she's a duck, yet. But she told Killua he was a good older brother, and she was actually nice/helpful. He thinks that she might be pretty young, but he's received no confirmation yet, but for now, he's filing her away as someone not on his shit list. HOORAY
empatheais tracker
THREAD TRACKING
✧
NOVEMBER;
OCTOBER;
this month was a wash y'all ):
10/29 -- AQUA - Kil learns that departed ppl come back sometimes
10/VARIOUS -- BLUE - a lot happens in this thread; it spans a couple weeks. basically, blue is sad about red disappearing, gon disappears a week after so kil's sad about that, then they console each other for a little while, and decide to go on what totally isn't a date in mid october to get their minds off of things.
SEPTEMBER;
AUGUST;
JULY;
7/25 -- BLUE - drunken Helisium aftermath.
7/25 -- GON - finds Gon in Helisium. oop
7/25 -- HELISIUM TL - gambles and gets drunk. oop
7/13 -- GRIMSLEY - intro to illegal income
7/8 -- RED, BLUE, GON - Red's intro to Babyhouse.
7/1 -- SORA - maid cafe fundraisy hell
7/1-2ish? -- BLUE - fog fallout, calander fill-ins, bickering
7/25 -- GON - finds Gon in Helisium. oop
7/25 -- HELISIUM TL - gambles and gets drunk. oop
7/13 -- GRIMSLEY - intro to illegal income
7/8 -- RED, BLUE, GON - Red's intro to Babyhouse.
7/1 -- SORA - maid cafe fundraisy hell
7/1-2ish? -- BLUE - fog fallout, calander fill-ins, bickering
JUNE;
MAY;
5/23 -- BLUE - kidnapping a distressed friend
5/20 -- GON FREECS - HOLY SHIT, IT'S GON! (TDM) and: follow up.
5/16 -- NETWORK POST - Guzma, Trunks, Akira, Webby, Usagi, Jecht, Riku Replica, Yggsadrill, Neptune, Kuroko, Suzaku, Deku, Hibiki, Bulat
5/08 -- TOPLEVEL - meeting/befriending Blue, more Guzma being awful, Kaede, Dani, meeting/lunch with Riku, gambling with Allen?, Eridan, Aqua
5/20 -- GON FREECS - HOLY SHIT, IT'S GON! (TDM) and: follow up.
5/16 -- NETWORK POST - Guzma, Trunks, Akira, Webby, Usagi, Jecht, Riku Replica, Yggsadrill, Neptune, Kuroko, Suzaku, Deku, Hibiki, Bulat
5/08 -- TOPLEVEL - meeting/befriending Blue, more Guzma being awful, Kaede, Dani, meeting/lunch with Riku, gambling with Allen?, Eridan, Aqua
✧
✧
✧
✧
EMOTION DROPS TRACKING
Code by bannertech.
bannertech.placeholder for emp info / WIP
killua zoldyck
Player: jaz
Canon: hunter x hunter
Canon Point: somewhere after 138
Alignment: peromei
Date of Entry: 05/06/2019
Canon: hunter x hunter
Canon Point: somewhere after 138
Alignment: peromei
Date of Entry: 05/06/2019
Age: 14
Birthday: june 7th
Eye Color: dark blue
Hair Color: white
Height: about 5'5", currently
Amulet: a little crescent moon, because Killua's a cancer, and also because of his narrative parallels to Orihime in the Starcrossed Lovers/Tanabata legend... and conversely, Killua's birthday is on Tanabata! the symbolism is not subtle ok
Appearance: generally like this, in varying forms of casual, loose clothing. he usually wears a black turtleneck with a white V-neck T on top, with loose black shorts, but he changes his outfits a lot. sometimes for the better, sometimes for worse. i have no idea how to describe his wild ass fashion fluctuations.
Contact:
( in-depth bio )
Permissions: Permissions for actions done to this character.
Key: ☐ (neutral; contact first) | ☑ (yes) | ☒ (no).
» Backtagging: ☑
» Threadhopping: ☑
» Hugging: ☑
» Kissing: ☑ (as long as your character is around Killua's age, mind you)
» Fighting: ☑
» Injuring: ☑
» Killing: ☐
» Fourth Wall: ☒
» Manipulation: ☑
ACATA IC CONTACT
𝕀ℕ-𝔾𝔸𝕄𝔼 ℂ𝕆ℕ𝕋𝔸ℂ𝕋: 𝕂𝕀𝕃𝕃𝕌𝔸 ℤ𝕆𝕃𝔻𝕐ℂ𝕂
permissions
 K I L L U A ⚡ Z O L D Y C K WHEN I SAY THAT IT DOESN'T HURT ME, IT ONLY MEANS THAT I CAN BEAR IT. |
× BACKTAGGING: ✔
× THREADHOPPING: ✔
× GEN ROMANCE: ✔
i'm not specifically trying to ship in game or anything, but i'm up for plotting non long term awkward miscommunications and stuff! since killua's young, bored, and honestly?, confused, i wouldn't mind him getting into a situationship that ends awkwardly, or maybe having his first kiss or something... as for memes, i'm cool with it pretty across the board!! THAT SAID:
× HUGGING: ✔
× KISSING: ✔
× 4TH WALL: ✘
× MINDREADING: ✔
let me know if you're doing this so i can tell you what you're gonna find!
× INJURY: ✔
× MANIPULATION: ✔
× FIGHTING: ✔
we'll probably need to do some OOC chatter around this, bc you know. dumb shounen power levels
× KILLING: ✔
contact me obviously! cool with it on a case by case basis. i'd wanna plot it out.