[He lets out a breath that he didn't know he was holding as Killua starts to relax. Poor kid.]
Everyone's an idiot eventually. [he shrugs and laughs. Ging, who he had always considered the most brilliant man he had ever met was widely viewed as a total moron inside the association.]
Of course you can.
[He's slightly worried about what he's going to ask, but he definitely put himself here, so... No turning back now.]
He asked me if I like men or women, and I said I like both. He remarked that you hadn't told him that was an option, and that he was worried he had to choose... Since when he thought about it, he said he had no real preference.
[He glances down at Killua, stretching his legs out finally.]
[Killua straightens up a little, looking curious. he's thought—seriously, by the way, about dating girls! and he's been sexually excited by porn involving girls... but only if a man was also involved as well. Killua's 98% certain he's gay, but also 100% certain he hasn't knowingly met a bisexual person.
Killua sinks a little. it's not clear if he's asking about Kite, or Gon, when he says that.]
...He probably doesn't have enough context with that... maybe.
[if dudes were an option at all... if Gon didn't bluntly just come to him anyway... there was no way, right? that's probably stupid; he's probably looking for excuses...]
When'd you know the difference?
I'm 15, but... I didn't know until just before my birthday that I definitely liked boys. If you like both... what's that like?
I thought I was straight ever since I could like... you know. Operate...that way.
[sexually. this is the most embarrassing conversation in The Universe]
[Kite has to kind of think about it for a moment.] A little inconvenient, honestly. I never know when I'm going to meet someone that I might like.
[And he has found romance to mostly just be inconvenient. He at least stocked his team with absolutely no one that he was attracted to, whatsoever.]
I was too obsessed with just survival before Ging came along to think too much about it. So it was probably in my very late teens when we started traveling together that I got any real experience. I met a few girls that I liked quite a bit, but we never did too much. I've always just been obsessed with researching animals and improving my nen.
[But now he was here with... Stuff to do, but it was a little unfulfilling knowing he wouldn't be able to take it back with him.]
Ah, sorry, that doesn't answer your question. I've gone back and forth in my affections... But you'll know in your heart. [And by heart he sort of means boner]
I live... a lot of my life inside my own head, listening to others.
[Killua listens, clearly enraptured. he honestly does find himself asking people about stuff like this from time to time, unaware that it's because part of him wants it. hearing about how someone homeless who became a hunter didn't really have a lot of experience makes sense... Killua thinks with that kind of life style, dating is probably hard in general.
then he tries not to laugh when he suddenly interrupts his train of thought with the idea that there's probably Hunter dating events and websites. fucking wild. Killua succeeds.
sounds like Kite always just knew, then...
Killua scratches his cheek, looking thoughtful.]
I see.
Man, this stuff is so confusing and annoying...
[Killua sighs, pushing his fingers through his bangs.]
I've thought about telling Gon, to answer your question from way earlier. About me being gay. Not because I want anything from him or anything, but just because—we're close and stuff, it seems weird to just keep it from him... Last time we talked about this stuff, I didn't really know. If he finds out some other way, he might think I was hiding it from him and get mad.
[not that Killua really cares. Gon gets mad over stupid stuff all the time, in his opinion. but it feels like a principality thing.]
Knowing what I know about Gon, he would want to know that about you and from you. He won't be disgusted or distraught. He looks up to me, and he didn't seem to care that I am the way I am. And it's entirely possible that he'll think you were willfully hiding it if he finds out from someone else.
[Kite shrugs as he stretches out in the grass.]
Don't worry. I won't tell him. So if there's anyone else who knows... You only have to beat them to the punch. But yeah, this stuff is difficult. It's way harder than any battle.
[he can imagine Gon's bratty petulance, yelling at Killua "why didn't you tell me?! You know you can tell me anything!! Did you think I'd judge you!? Stupid!!"
...he'd definitely miss the point, why Killua might not tell him. but Killua supposes the ball's in his court, either way. it feels...weird. but it's the natural next step to finally being comfortable about it privately. gotta tell your best friend.]
...I'll tell him soon.
Not my feelings, but my orientation. It'll be awkward, but... easy, I guess...
Hey. Why are you talking with me about all this stuff?
Good. I think he’s picked up that there’s something different, but it’s probably frustrating him that he doesn’t know what it is, yet. And he doesn’t want to ask yet.
Hm? [he figured it was obvious but... Zoldyck boy. He’s bound to be off. ]
Everyone needs an adult to talk to sometimes. I figured I might be the only one who could easily understand you. [And Killua would find out later but queers tended to glom to one another. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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[He lets out a breath that he didn't know he was holding as Killua starts to relax. Poor kid.]
Everyone's an idiot eventually. [he shrugs and laughs. Ging, who he had always considered the most brilliant man he had ever met was widely viewed as a total moron inside the association.]
Of course you can.
[He's slightly worried about what he's going to ask, but he definitely put himself here, so... No turning back now.]
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You were talking about it, did he...
[ever shy and sensitive, Killua glances away with a little scowl. he plucks idly at one of the flowers that grew by his feet.]
Do you know if he even likes other guys at all?
[Killua's just been under the straight but not narrow interpretation, here...]
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[He reaffixes his hat.]
He asked me if I like men or women, and I said I like both. He remarked that you hadn't told him that was an option, and that he was worried he had to choose... Since when he thought about it, he said he had no real preference.
[He glances down at Killua, stretching his legs out finally.]
Do with that what you will.
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[Killua straightens up a little, looking curious. he's thought—seriously, by the way, about dating girls! and he's been sexually excited by porn involving girls... but only if a man was also involved as well. Killua's 98% certain he's gay, but also 100% certain he hasn't knowingly met a bisexual person.
Killua sinks a little. it's not clear if he's asking about Kite, or Gon, when he says that.]
...He probably doesn't have enough context with that... maybe.
[if dudes were an option at all... if Gon didn't bluntly just come to him anyway... there was no way, right? that's probably stupid; he's probably looking for excuses...]
When'd you know the difference?
I'm 15, but... I didn't know until just before my birthday that I definitely liked boys. If you like both... what's that like?
I thought I was straight ever since I could like... you know. Operate...that way.
[sexually. this is the most embarrassing conversation in The Universe]
I was confused for a little while...
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[Kite has to kind of think about it for a moment.] A little inconvenient, honestly. I never know when I'm going to meet someone that I might like.
[And he has found romance to mostly just be inconvenient. He at least stocked his team with absolutely no one that he was attracted to, whatsoever.]
I was too obsessed with just survival before Ging came along to think too much about it. So it was probably in my very late teens when we started traveling together that I got any real experience. I met a few girls that I liked quite a bit, but we never did too much. I've always just been obsessed with researching animals and improving my nen.
[But now he was here with... Stuff to do, but it was a little unfulfilling knowing he wouldn't be able to take it back with him.]
Ah, sorry, that doesn't answer your question. I've gone back and forth in my affections... But you'll know in your heart. [And by heart he sort of means boner]
I live... a lot of my life inside my own head, listening to others.
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then he tries not to laugh when he suddenly interrupts his train of thought with the idea that there's probably Hunter dating events and websites. fucking wild. Killua succeeds.
sounds like Kite always just knew, then...
Killua scratches his cheek, looking thoughtful.]
I see.
Man, this stuff is so confusing and annoying...
[Killua sighs, pushing his fingers through his bangs.]
I've thought about telling Gon, to answer your question from way earlier. About me being gay. Not because I want anything from him or anything, but just because—we're close and stuff, it seems weird to just keep it from him... Last time we talked about this stuff, I didn't really know. If he finds out some other way, he might think I was hiding it from him and get mad.
[not that Killua really cares. Gon gets mad over stupid stuff all the time, in his opinion. but it feels like a principality thing.]
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[Kite shrugs as he stretches out in the grass.]
Don't worry. I won't tell him. So if there's anyone else who knows... You only have to beat them to the punch. But yeah, this stuff is difficult. It's way harder than any battle.
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[he can imagine Gon's bratty petulance, yelling at Killua "why didn't you tell me?! You know you can tell me anything!! Did you think I'd judge you!? Stupid!!"
...he'd definitely miss the point, why Killua might not tell him. but Killua supposes the ball's in his court, either way. it feels...weird. but it's the natural next step to finally being comfortable about it privately. gotta tell your best friend.]
...I'll tell him soon.
Not my feelings, but my orientation. It'll be awkward, but... easy, I guess...
Hey. Why are you talking with me about all this stuff?
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Hm? [he figured it was obvious but... Zoldyck boy. He’s bound to be off. ]
Everyone needs an adult to talk to sometimes. I figured I might be the only one who could easily understand you. [And Killua would find out later but queers tended to glom to one another. ]
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with the explanation, Killua drops his head again, resting his cheek on his knee. he thinks he's starting to understand Gon a little bit more...]
That's true. People here have a hard time with me.
[pussies]
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[He places a hand on Killua’s head and gently musses his hair ]
Would you like to come over for tea and tuiles while Gon finishes impressing his friends with how big of rocks he can lift?