𝕜𝕚𝕝𝕝𝕦𝕒 ⚡ 𝕫𝕠𝕝𝕕𝕪𝕔𝕜 (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
trypanophobic) wrote2019-07-31 08:54 am
trypanophobic) wrote2019-07-31 08:54 am
i guess this lives here instead
Who: Killua, Blue, Gon
Where: Babyhouse (the apartment of said 3 people)
When: After Helisium
Format: [brackets]
Open/Closed closed
Summary: Killua comes home drunk as fuck from his attempt to decompress at the festival—but there's a reason why Killua isn't much for letting loose and living in the moment...
[Killua comes home pretty late. it's not really on purpose—a lot happened, and Killua found he was having so much fun, he wanted to maintain the way he was feeling... you know, from snatching drinks off trays. or straight up off bar counters, when he got to feeling a little too ballsy. eventually, he of course was caught, but not quite met with consequence. too slippery. and he'd hung out with some other folks—girls he already knew, and now felt a little closer to. and it was fun! it was fucking fun, and simple, and fine.
and now he's back here. the god forsaken den of tension. it's like all of Killua's patience for this situation has been drowned as much as his sobriety. but of course, he isn't totally bent out of shape—it seems like his evening has more or less had the desired effect on his mood, displayed by his clumsy entrance, followed by a boisterous laugh as he hangs off the door handle. he's not going to let the tension get to him—he won't bend any longer! enough is enough. he's decided this.]
Oops! Haha! Wow.
[his laughter clears up with a sigh as Killua closes the door, a little loudly. oops. it's still amusing to him how compromised his motor skills are; he'd thought he'd adjust by now. Killua's always poisoned himself on purpose, but the effects weren't usually so novel.]
Watch it.
[indeed, this is said to the door as Killua regains a straight posture—but it's sort of abnormally so, like he's overcompensating.]
Where: Babyhouse (the apartment of said 3 people)
When: After Helisium
Format: [brackets]
Open/Closed closed
Summary: Killua comes home drunk as fuck from his attempt to decompress at the festival—but there's a reason why Killua isn't much for letting loose and living in the moment...
[Killua comes home pretty late. it's not really on purpose—a lot happened, and Killua found he was having so much fun, he wanted to maintain the way he was feeling... you know, from snatching drinks off trays. or straight up off bar counters, when he got to feeling a little too ballsy. eventually, he of course was caught, but not quite met with consequence. too slippery. and he'd hung out with some other folks—girls he already knew, and now felt a little closer to. and it was fun! it was fucking fun, and simple, and fine.
and now he's back here. the god forsaken den of tension. it's like all of Killua's patience for this situation has been drowned as much as his sobriety. but of course, he isn't totally bent out of shape—it seems like his evening has more or less had the desired effect on his mood, displayed by his clumsy entrance, followed by a boisterous laugh as he hangs off the door handle. he's not going to let the tension get to him—he won't bend any longer! enough is enough. he's decided this.]
Oops! Haha! Wow.
[his laughter clears up with a sigh as Killua closes the door, a little loudly. oops. it's still amusing to him how compromised his motor skills are; he'd thought he'd adjust by now. Killua's always poisoned himself on purpose, but the effects weren't usually so novel.]
Watch it.
[indeed, this is said to the door as Killua regains a straight posture—but it's sort of abnormally so, like he's overcompensating.]
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[seems Killua isn’t as invested in the measuring of things, anyway....not this time! to his question, Killua blinks.]
You know, like, sex and dating. When you can travel and do what you want and pay for what you want—what’s left, right?! I mean, virtue and whatever, I guess. But plenty of old ass people don’t even have that much, so it’s not a universally adult experience!
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[And when Killua so carelessly deploys those words, that’s it. The Donphan in the room has been prodded, stabbed, and its carcass put in the spotlight. Blue’s jaw goes slack, a little, and if he was red before....]
[He swallows. This was a dangerous path to go down, but.... they were trading back and forth retorts, right? And the thing that comes to mind immediately, is...]
So? Are you an adult or not, then?
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Obviously not!!
[he scowls, now busily picking at his bread again.]
I only stopped being an assassin when I was 12, then I got busy running around with Gon and our other friends, then Alluka came into my care...
Honestly, I didn't think about that stuff...
[now Killua just looks annoyed.]
Even Gon's been on dates! And done...stuff. Tch.
[he glowers up at Blue, looking ready to be Angry.]
What about you?
[it's like....... he expects that Blue's probably done stuff. because fuck, why not!]
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He’s done it....? [Blue scowls, lip curling. By stuff, anyway, he assumes Killua means he’s had sex, and Blue wasn’t sure what he read Gon as, but he assumes it was a girl......]
[Hey, how does Killua know this stuff about him, anyway!? Well, he supposed it was likely anyone wanted to brag when they did that sort of stuff.]
[He narrows his eyes again when Killua turns the question back on him- which he supposed he ought to have expected, but hadn’t prepared an answer for. He scowls and glances away, suddenly uncomfortable with how close this conversation is to the insinuation- the admission- that he.... really feels......]
I don’t really think about this stuff either, I’m not a pervert or anything. [He scoffs, even though he’s so red faced and avoiding Killua’s eyes.] Anybody thinks about it, but actually doing it is different. I’m too busy back home with the Gym.
And anyway... [He tries not to look at Killua as he says it, because he feels so nervous that he’ll somehow know exactly what he’s thinking about] ...There’s gotta be someone around you like or whatever, so....
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[the simple and honest truth is that Killua is so anxious about his own identity that he...tends to ask! when Blue says he isn't a pervert, Killua scoffs and rolls his eyes, obviously at least partially disbelieving. maybe Blue wasn't particularly perverted for a guy, but he was still a guy; Killua has his doubts on that one.]
You think so? To like, do that kinda thing?
[Killua closes his eyes, scowling a little as he thinks about it.]
I guess...
Seems like a lot of people do that stuff without caring with who.
[his eyes snap open, and he bangs his fists on the counter with a scowl.]
—Ugh, like this scummy guy back home! I mean, he's my friend, but he'd put his hands on any girl if it meant he could just get his hands on one! That idiot seriously got us in trouble with that!
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[Blue's eyes lid again, and for a moment the way he looks at Killua is calculating, scrutinizing- his lip almost seems to wobble at first, but then he tilts his chin up, defiant.]
[Okay. So fine, then. He can.. indulge this, right??]
What about you? [He glances away, busies himself, then not-quite glances back.] You'd only do it with someone you like? [He sure... seemed like he was talking about it so casually, before. Maybe... he would just talk like this with anyone...]
[Or maybe Blue was reading this entirely wrong. Nerves swirl in his stomach, and he suddenly wonders if he really wanted to know or not.]
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Killua crosses the backs of his ankles as he thinks about it, dropping his head with a thoughtful, long hum.
he lifts his head.]
I dunno. I'd say no, but I'm picky about people I like in the first place... Like, even as friends. It's hard to imagine doing something as crazy as doing it with someone random, right?
[he rests his jaw against his palm again, quirking a scowl.]
It feels lame to say I'd prefer to wait until I was dating someone, or wait for someone I like...
[a withering pause.]
...so I guess I'm... kinda lame. [Killua rubs the back of his neck, wobbling.] B-but it's hard to say anything super definitively when you have no experience, so...
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[Blue blurts it out forcefully, eyes locked on Killua's as his fingertips tensely meet the granite countertop. His cheeks glow with self-consciousness, but.... it feels right to say it, somehow, so surely and forcefully.]
[He senses maybe, Killua's carefulness with the topic and the situation, and he... He wants him to know he's certain, for some reason.......]
[Dammit, why did he feel so weird!? But somehow, he goes on after a pause of hesitation.]
I don't care if it's lame, or whatever... It's not like I just randomly consider people my friends, either. If I'm sure I like someone that much, it's fine no matter what happens, right?
[He finally tears his intense stare away and floods with nerves, but his stomach and chest are squirming not.. entirely in a bad way. This was dangerous... He thought, breathing in carefully. This was really, really dangerous.......]
[He had been thinking about Killua all night, while he was out at that party. He hadn't been just training his Pokémon, or reading. He'd been thinking about earlier.... He couldn't stop thinking about it.]
[His heart quickens.]
It could be a boy or a girl... I... I don't mind either one.... [He adds quietly, after a moment, gaze dropped down to the counter.]
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then when Blue admits it could be a boy, Killua tries not to fall out of his seat. he does, however, choke on his water, and ensues a graceful coughing session. he pounds his fist on the counter, recovering, then with wide, teary eyes, eyebrows totally hidden in his bangs, Killua whips his head back up, leaning bodily on the counter.]
A-a boy?
[no, Killua, no, damn it, that's not why you're surprised...!
he shakes his head, blinking. he gives another little cough, wincing an eye.]
I didn't know... well I mean, of course I didn't, but I didn't think you were bisexual. A girl I ran into at the party is, too. She's got her hands full...
[he flushes, feeling self conscious. what an asshole he was; he hadn't even really previously considered bisexual people, and now tonight, he feels like he's been met with two instances by peers his own age! both of a different gender!]
...I feel kinda bad, I feel like... I don't think about that enough, when thinking about other people...
[he feels like he can hear his own heartbeat. like he can hear the blood rushing in his veins. he clears his throat.]
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[It's almost impressive. Cartoonish, even.] --Are you okay!? [He blurts out, rushing to Killua's side and patting his back. Which probably doesn't help Killua, at all, but Blue isn't thinking about that right now. He tries to help the glass out of his hand so he doesn't dump it everywhere, by the time he's catching his breath.]
['A boy' he blurts out, incredulously, and Blue almost thinks with disgust- he nearly balks with hurt, until he clarifies his shock.]
I-- [He had never even thought about applying that, or any label to himself before- he'd never had to, was only just having the earliest of attractions and experiences since arriving here- and he flushes hard at the call out.]
[Is that... what he is? Well, he supposes... Even though when it came to girls, he always felt so much more detached than with the boys he'd found himself liking....]
[Blue stares at him as he rambles guiltily, and raises an eyebrow. He doesn't understand why he's seemingly apologizing, or why he would feel bad? Even though Blue would normally make a comment about just this sort of presumption, but....]
[Wait]
[What did Killua think about him?]
[Killua had thought about him???]
I-you... [He stutters, hand lifting away, and suddenly realizing his proximity. His heart thuds in his chest. He can see how glossy and unfocused Killua's eyes are from here, but they also look.. Kind of good......] ...It's not like anyone would normally expect you to just think about that kind of thing, you don't have to.. feel bad.......
[Arceus. What is he even saying anymore.]
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I dunno, don't most people make assumptions like that?
[he fidgets, feeling embarrassed, his hand clenching into a fist. he watches how his own flesh twists from the motion, how his veins shift.]
...Like, how most people are straight... so people would usually assume...
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[Still, he has such an intense gaze upon Killua now, rapt and curious, and gently shakes his head.]
Yeah, I guess they do. Well... you're right, I usually assume boys like girls, and girls like boys....
But, that's why I'm not mad. [He bites his lips, an almost-smile, gentle, and fidgets.]
[He wants to ask.]
[He wants to know for sure.]
[There's definitely ...no way Killua likes girls, right? He's pretty sure, but............]
[He stares at him, lips working, and yet he doesn't say whatever words he's chewing on. Like he's trying to understand, just by eye contact.]
[What the Furret is he doing!? Acting like this with Killua, when... Does it matter?? What is it he wants, anyway??]
[His breath holds.]
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[Killua slumps forward, feeling bashful, tucking his own red face into the crook of his arm.]
...but I acted all shitty about it, when we were filling in the calendar...
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[After all that's happened this month, Blue had nearly forgotten, but the memory rushes back again with a furrow of his brow. I'm not a homo, he'd insisted, derisively. girly, uptight he'd called him.]
[(Damn. But he'd really gotten that good burn in on him. Heh heh... Blue's lips almost curl again, twitching, as he remembers............)]
[But Killua had been so violently in denial about it, hadn't he? And yet he can't imagine anything else from him but that he preferred boys. At the very least. He just doesn't understand why he seems to be so ...afraid of it.]
[It makes his heart hurt a little. For the sake of his friend's happiness, he thinks, but it also feels a little personal.]
[There'd been something else, too. 'If I was gonna ask someone out, I'd be way more direct about it', he'd insisted.]
[Blue wonders if that was really true.... And somehow, he feels a little sadder.]
It's fine. [After all that, that's all he says, and slowly he pushes away from the counter, like he's going to finally give up and put the distance between them again, after the last few intense moments.]
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...I made assumptions, too.
I was afraid I was wrong.
[god, why can't he stop talking!? he wants to disappear, but it feels..... really, really good, to be... sort of honest, anyway. is that why his heart is still racing? the panic? adrenaline of being real about his nature, even if so indirectly?]
...I'm glad that I know some people kind of like me. Sorry for being like that. Um. And—
[he glances up at Blue again, briefly, and with a blink, his eyes are somewhere else again.]
—thanks for telling me.
[it helps him feel less weird. well, in some ways.]
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[....It was okay. It was stupid to think that all of this-- that any of that was anything more than the same kindred kindnesses they had shared with each other up to this point.]
[Killua was his friend. They were both lonely, and both misunderstood... So it was bound to be that they would have things like this in common, too.....]
[It didn't have to be like that, he supposes, ignoring the sinking in his chest.]
[It was definitely better if they just felt something like this between each other, too. After all, up to this point, Blue had only ever thought about......]
I don't really get why it scared you or anything, but you don't gotta tell me. It's not really my business. [His eyes flick away, then down.] I never thought about it too hard.
I like who I like.
[His lips press together, hard, to keep his face from trembling.]
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I guess that's how it is...
[Killua could tell Blue why he's cagey about it, but he's too drunk. even sober, it's a little bit of a challenging subject. he huffs, sitting up too straight; his arms reflect the rigid posture, and once they do, his back is bending, his head craning back a little.]
Man, you know, [he then says suddenly, deliberately pushing away from his prying, wondering mind. he wants to tear apart this shift in mood, but knows, even drunkenly, it may be better not to. maybe if he were sober, he'd think to put in that work. but even besides his state of intoxication, Killua swore he'd take a day off.]
I miss the internet and stuff! I wish... we could like, watch something, [he huffs. maybe all this tension comes from inadequate distraction...] I know I've complained about videogames to you, but it'd be nice to even just look at dumb stuff on a phone right now.
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[It trails back away. His eyes fall down and away again, and he retreats himself back to the sink to work at dishes. Almost done....]
[...It'd probably be better if he went to his room soon, anyway. He wanted to make sure Killua wasn't going to get himself into trouble drunk, but he isn't sure how much more of this he can take. His feelings are too tender right now.]
[And then he nearly drops the fork he's holding, it clattering loudly as he catches it again against the sink. He swallows hard, squinting into the reflection in the silver. Is... is he saying what Blue thinks he's saying...!?]
Y-you... Watching dirty stuff with another guy still isn't just like, normal, you know.... [He hisses, seedily squinting over his shoulder- like he's not sure he's heard right.] What're you...
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[he leans back again, eyes widening.]
Huh—?!?
[flushing across either of his ears, Killua stares in incredulous disbelief, then begins to laugh. and he slips out of his stool, but catches himself, and is... going down. slowly.]
Oh my god...! No! No... [he's holding onto the edge of the counter, but eventually, he's in a full crouch, his head hanging.] I didn't mean that! [he shouts from down there, his face so, so red.]
Sheesh, I'm not that bad.
[a thoughtful pause.]
...I do miss porn, too, but that's private.
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[Blue grumbles, a little too burnt to turn and give the pratfall any more attention than it got already. This little imp became a total clown with alcohol in him.....]
Aren't you? [He glances back, lips pursed. It's hard to tell if he's being playful, or bitter.] You sure made it sound that way!
[Ugh!! Blue tosses the rest of the silverware into the drying rack, and walks across to Killua's side of the kitchen island, on his way to the hallway, and rests his hands on his hips. Sigh.]
...You're really drunk, still... You should go to bed so you don't cause any more trouble.
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he has been causing trouble. and up until now, it was fun. now it's kind of confusing. but nice... he's happy that he admitted to someone, however indirectly, that he swung a certain way... and learned that Blue kinda did, too.
he flushes, realizing he's just staring dumbly.]
Shit. I'm still pretty awake...
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Okay, come on. [Blue waves him along.] I'll make sure you and your water make it to your room, so don't make a mess, okay? If you're gonna barf, grab a trashcan or something......
...I can warn you from experience.......
[Really. It was awful!! Stupid Guzma!!]
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I still can't believe that. You really threw up?
I'm not that drunk. [a frown. he thinks. he can mostly talk pretty well, still! and he isn't slurring... but everything does feel a little fast and spinny. BUT HE CAN WALK (also mostly) fine. see, look at him go.]
I bet if it was with me, you woulda had way more fun. Lousy company!
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[He snaps, ready to shove Killua back onto his ass on the kitchen floor. But since he's so kind, he won't!!] I drank a whole lot. I don't wanna talk about it....
[He scoffs, watching him stumble up to his feet anyway, and then walks to push him along by his back, gently, whenever he seems to stall or stumble.] ...Probably, but I wouldn't have been drinking if I wanted to have fun.... Tch. Come on...
[He nudges Killua all the way to his room, opening the door, and making sure he's guided properly to his bed. He finds the nearest wastebasket and drags it closer- it's a little awkward with Gon's bed in the way... Pushed up against Killua's....]
[His mouth twists, and he tears his eyes away.] Lay down. Do you need anything else? Here's water.
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his hand, reciprocated flatly on Blue's back as he guides Killua to his room, does a little curl with this expression. it's a good reminder.
Killua doesn't lay down so much as throw himself to his bed, and he cracks an eye open at Gon's bed. again. he'd forgotten. Gon seems to be doing that more than ever... he rolls onto his back, arm folded over his forehead as he looks back up at Blue.]
No, [he answers.] You already did so much! [he then beams. he lowers his arm to squish his cheeks together at Blue.]
Thanks for taking care of me~
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GOOd? MORNING
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