trypanophobic | i guess this lives here instead

i guess this lives here instead

Who: Killua, Blue, Gon
Where: Babyhouse (the apartment of said 3 people)
When: After Helisium
Format: [brackets]
Open/Closed closed
Summary: Killua comes home drunk as fuck from his attempt to decompress at the festival—but there's a reason why Killua isn't much for letting loose and living in the moment...

[Killua comes home pretty late. it's not really on purpose—a lot happened, and Killua found he was having so much fun, he wanted to maintain the way he was feeling... you know, from snatching drinks off trays. or straight up off bar counters, when he got to feeling a little too ballsy. eventually, he of course was caught, but not quite met with consequence. too slippery. and he'd hung out with some other folks—girls he already knew, and now felt a little closer to. and it was fun! it was fucking fun, and simple, and fine.

and now he's back here. the god forsaken den of tension. it's like all of Killua's patience for this situation has been drowned as much as his sobriety. but of course, he isn't totally bent out of shape—it seems like his evening has more or less had the desired effect on his mood, displayed by his clumsy entrance, followed by a boisterous laugh as he hangs off the door handle. he's not going to let the tension get to him—he won't bend any longer! enough is enough. he's decided this.]

Oops! Haha! Wow.

[his laughter clears up with a sigh as Killua closes the door, a little loudly. oops. it's still amusing to him how compromised his motor skills are; he'd thought he'd adjust by now. Killua's always poisoned himself on purpose, but the effects weren't usually so novel.]

Watch it.

[indeed, this is said to the door as Killua regains a straight posture—but it's sort of abnormally so, like he's overcompensating.]

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I’m not as sure as you. [He gently chides again, grabbing a glass from the drying rack he was working on and filling it with water as Killua climbs- with undue difficulty- into a stool. He sets it down in front of him, then goes to find some kind of bread.]

Well, still. This soaks stuff up better when you’re sick, so it should probably be fine.

[He drops an end of a baguette in front of him, and then leans back across the island from him.]

...Don’t take advantage.... [He pouts a little- but it makes him feel a little warm, hearing that...]

[Killua didn't drink that much. he thinks. he really has no model for that kind of thing, honestly, and he drank a lot—but he isn't sure how many of his stolen drinks were even alcoholic. it's a lot for a novice 15 year old, either way; Blue's right to be cautious of Killua, even if Killua's feeling pretty confident.

you know, in general.

Killua rolls his eyes up at Blue when he says that, his cheek resting on his arm as he lets out an airy little laugh. his other hand comes up to swipe at Blue, slowly and carefully, mindful of the NEW OBJECTS placed in front of him.]

Ha! [YOU FOOL!] Being told not to do stuff just makes me wanna do it more.

That’s because you’re a troublemaker. [Blue says, both matter of factly and much too affectionately, though he’d certainly deny it if called out. He eyes Killua’s hand as it draws at him- partially, yes, to make sure he doesn’t knock over the glass of water- and then his eyes follow as it waves, cattishly, raising an eyebrow.]

But I’m not gonna fall for it if you try and act sick for sympathy!

[Even though he’s definitely already giving him slack here.... He can’t stop thinking about earlier that day, curled up in the walls of snow, giggling red-cheeked over some angry native with snow down their back...]

[Well, because Blue was a troublemaker, too.]

[Killua laughs again, dropping his arm, and kind of briefly nuzzles into his own arm before he huffs, straightening into a sitting position. he grabs the glass of water, leaning on his elbows again, deciding to nurse it.]

Hmmm, you sure?

[he tilts his head.]

Well, acting isn't really my style, anyway.

[Killua is swinging his feet, occasionally crossing his ankles behind the stool. he doesn't seem tuckered out in the slightest, despite his whole ass day.]

Have you just been holed up here since I saw you, doing house stuff?

[Blue purses his lips, but he decides not to argue the point. He didn’t feel like picking a fight to be cute, either...]

[Sheesh, he was really far gone, huh.]

Not just house stuff... [He huffs indignantly, considering going back to drying dishes, but he kinda didn’t feel like chores anymore. Especially after that tease!] I did a little training and grooming on my Pokémon, and fed them, and then I did some reading ‘til I got bored....

I told you I wasn’t gonna go to that dumb party. So I just did the same stuff as usual, what’s wrong with that?

I dunno, [Killua says with a shrug, his answer honest and simple. he didn't exactly expect anything else, but Killua isn't exactly thinking before he asks questions or says stuff anyway... his smile looks a little thoughtful as he sort of just boggles affectionately over at Blue.] Nothing, I guess...

[Killua, with obvious effort, places the glass down, tearing off a section of the baguette.]

Didn't think about it 'til now, [he says around a mouthful.]

Hmm.

[Blue’s eyes flatten, wondering if he’s just imagining the implication in his teasing. Well, whatever. Killua could think he was boring or a homebody or whatever the Shuppet he wanted... At least he didn’t stumble home a mess.]

[He watches Killua eat for a moment, not really knowing what else to say, before he gets up to finish the dishes again.] Adult vices aren’t exciting to me at all. Exploration and going out to study monsters is way more exciting. We’re in a whole different world; you’d rather just stick to the city and do the same ol’ stuff?

That sounds boring, [Killua says bluntly with a groan.] You sound like Gon.

And anyway, it’s not like I did that stuff back home all that often! I’ve never been drunk before—and I had a good time! So whatever. [Killua laughs for... no particular reason; he’s just got the giggles.] It’s okay sometimes, right?

[his eyes wander curiously up Blue, imagination turning... suddenly, Killua looks amused.]

Wonder what it’d be like, though, with you. I’m not the only troublemaker around. Imagining your face all pink is pretty good, too...

I don’t. I don’t say whatever dumb, rude things pop into my head.

[He definitely does, he’s just mad.] And I....... did. It was awful. I’m not doing it again! [Also a lie, give him a couple years.]

[As Killua’s eyes trail up him, he notices with dawning awareness, and a flush creeps up into his cheeks, then deepens as he luridly details his own fantasy. He stops where he is, awkwardly hovering in front of the sink. What the heck....!? The way he was talking was almost like... Like he was....]

S-stop imagining weird things! What do you mean, what it’d be like!?

[He doesn’t have to imagine Blue’s face going pink; it’s red, now. He shakily sets a plate down and turns half-away, like he’s trying to hide it.]

[Killua cackles, then clutches his chest, almost choking on his bread.]

Ahahaha!! Your face! Oh god—[he struggles through his giggles. this side of Blue is.......... good. Killua might be experiencing a little power high right now.]

Nothing as fun as you think, I’ll bet, [Killua teases, leaning forward as he bounces his eyebrows, his fingers at the edge of the counter.] I just mean I wonder what you’d be like drunk! Dunno if what you’re thinking and I’m thinking has anything in common...

[uh oh. Killua is now wondering. maybe hoping?? no, no, ok. later. jesus. he sits straight again.]

Wait, but you’ve drank before?

[he pauses, scowling a little.]

Man, even though I had such a wild upbringing, somehow you guys are both ahead of me... That’s a little annoying.

Edited 2019-07-31 17:41 (UTC)

—That’s.....!! [Blue sputters, and he’s practically misty-eyed with flush, called out and with nothing to say for it. Stupid Killua! Getting him all flustered and close and full of feeling earlier in the day, what was he supposed to think now that he was talking about how good he looked!?]

[Privately, sinkingly, he’s a little disappointed. If Killua had been teasing him like that.......]

[He shouldn’t be so desperate to hear that, right??]

[Instead he presses his lips together with irritated fluster before turning his nose up, brows arched up.] Whatever!! Stupid. Pervert. I didn’t even wanna drink, that stupid bum Guzma gave it to me cuz I was....... I wasn’t thinking right. And then it only made it worse! All it did was make me feel sick, no thanks. I’m not taking that nasty stuff again. It didn’t even help.

[He huffs and turns again angrily, scrubbing at a pan in the sink.] I’m practically an adult in my world, so of course I am. I’m a Gym Leader, after all. [Like that means.... anything. He’s just talking shit, now.]

[to being called a pervert, Killua just laughs through grinning teeth, eyes happily closed and upturned.

he tilts his head thoughtfully as he slumps against one of his propped arms, munching on his bread. he washes it down with some water, blinking.]

Can’t imagine the stuff that bozo drinks is any good. He’s ghetto.

[ok wow]

The stuff at the event was really good! You could barely taste it. Anyway, how are you more of an adult than me? I’ve been living on my own basically since I was 12, and you know the nature of how serious my work was! I was totally financially independent...

[unable to help himself, he chuckles against his fingertips.]

I think of being a man as like, a different thing...

It was disgusting! I made him mix it with juice cuz it was so gross. But whatever, how do you know what’s good or not anyway?

[Blue raises a skeptical eyebrow as Killua slumps and giggles to himself. Sheesh. This guy knew all kinds of adult things, and he didn’t really wanna think about why, but at the same time it always sounded like he was so sheltered......]

[Blue was sort of sheltered too, he supposed. But he wouldn’t stand for him just getting into a dick measuring contest like that without a fight! As Killua well knew, Blue was ....competitive.]

Hmph. Well, I was 11 when I left home, if you’re gonna be like that about it! It’s easy to make money beating up weak trainers on the road and at the Gym, after all, so it wasn’t like I had any worries, either....

This place is totally lame, without that kind income.

[And then Killua just says that, so randomly it seems to him, that he almost chokes. Being a man....!? Just what was he talking about now!? His mind, of course, just can’t help leaping to conclusions.] Different how.

Haha! When you don’t put it specifically, it sounds kinda the same...

[seems Killua isn’t as invested in the measuring of things, anyway....not this time! to his question, Killua blinks.]

You know, like, sex and dating. When you can travel and do what you want and pay for what you want—what’s left, right?! I mean, virtue and whatever, I guess. But plenty of old ass people don’t even have that much, so it’s not a universally adult experience!

Edited 2019-07-31 18:14 (UTC)

[There might be some manner of measuring going on...]

[And when Killua so carelessly deploys those words, that’s it. The Donphan in the room has been prodded, stabbed, and its carcass put in the spotlight. Blue’s jaw goes slack, a little, and if he was red before....]

[He swallows. This was a dangerous path to go down, but.... they were trading back and forth retorts, right? And the thing that comes to mind immediately, is...]

So? Are you an adult or not, then?

Edited 2019-07-31 18:47 (UTC)

[it's finally Killua's time to balk, his face going red as he stares at Blue in jaw-slacked surprise, and he glances away.]

Obviously not!!

[he scowls, now busily picking at his bread again.]

I only stopped being an assassin when I was 12, then I got busy running around with Gon and our other friends, then Alluka came into my care...

Honestly, I didn't think about that stuff...

[now Killua just looks annoyed.]

Even Gon's been on dates! And done...stuff. Tch.

[he glowers up at Blue, looking ready to be Angry.]

What about you?

[it's like....... he expects that Blue's probably done stuff. because fuck, why not!]

Edited (my html stay breaking) 2019-07-31 18:48 (UTC)

[With smug pleasure, Blue watches as Killua finally gains a flush of his own, and the sight sends a pleasant and dangerous curl through his blood. Hmph, try and shock him with all this dirty stuff!]

He’s done it....? [Blue scowls, lip curling. By stuff, anyway, he assumes Killua means he’s had sex, and Blue wasn’t sure what he read Gon as, but he assumes it was a girl......]

[Hey, how does Killua know this stuff about him, anyway!? Well, he supposed it was likely anyone wanted to brag when they did that sort of stuff.]

[He narrows his eyes again when Killua turns the question back on him- which he supposed he ought to have expected, but hadn’t prepared an answer for. He scowls and glances away, suddenly uncomfortable with how close this conversation is to the insinuation- the admission- that he.... really feels......]

I don’t really think about this stuff either, I’m not a pervert or anything. [He scoffs, even though he’s so red faced and avoiding Killua’s eyes.] Anybody thinks about it, but actually doing it is different. I’m too busy back home with the Gym.

And anyway... [He tries not to look at Killua as he says it, because he feels so nervous that he’ll somehow know exactly what he’s thinking about] ...There’s gotta be someone around you like or whatever, so....

Er, no! Just—well, I dunno specifically how much, but I don't think all that...

[the simple and honest truth is that Killua is so anxious about his own identity that he...tends to ask! when Blue says he isn't a pervert, Killua scoffs and rolls his eyes, obviously at least partially disbelieving. maybe Blue wasn't particularly perverted for a guy, but he was still a guy; Killua has his doubts on that one.]

You think so? To like, do that kinda thing?

[Killua closes his eyes, scowling a little as he thinks about it.]

I guess...

Seems like a lot of people do that stuff without caring with who.

[his eyes snap open, and he bangs his fists on the counter with a scowl.]

—Ugh, like this scummy guy back home! I mean, he's my friend, but he'd put his hands on any girl if it meant he could just get his hands on one! That idiot seriously got us in trouble with that!

Edited 2019-07-31 19:12 (UTC)

...Yeah, I guess they do.

[Blue's eyes lid again, and for a moment the way he looks at Killua is calculating, scrutinizing- his lip almost seems to wobble at first, but then he tilts his chin up, defiant.]

[Okay. So fine, then. He can.. indulge this, right??]

What about you? [He glances away, busies himself, then not-quite glances back.] You'd only do it with someone you like? [He sure... seemed like he was talking about it so casually, before. Maybe... he would just talk like this with anyone...]

[Or maybe Blue was reading this entirely wrong. Nerves swirl in his stomach, and he suddenly wonders if he really wanted to know or not.]

[Killua's not thinking so hard about it—he's had this talk... sort of, a couple times. but not to this extent. and not with someone as uptight as Blue, but pliant and drunk as he is, Killua just settles that whole thing as Blue being a curious red blooded dude like any other. normal modes of conversation.

Killua crosses the backs of his ankles as he thinks about it, dropping his head with a thoughtful, long hum.

he lifts his head.]

I dunno. I'd say no, but I'm picky about people I like in the first place... Like, even as friends. It's hard to imagine doing something as crazy as doing it with someone random, right?

[he rests his jaw against his palm again, quirking a scowl.]

It feels lame to say I'd prefer to wait until I was dating someone, or wait for someone I like...

[a withering pause.]

...so I guess I'm... kinda lame. [Killua rubs the back of his neck, wobbling.] B-but it's hard to say anything super definitively when you have no experience, so...

I wanna do it with someone I like.

[Blue blurts it out forcefully, eyes locked on Killua's as his fingertips tensely meet the granite countertop. His cheeks glow with self-consciousness, but.... it feels right to say it, somehow, so surely and forcefully.]

[He senses maybe, Killua's carefulness with the topic and the situation, and he... He wants him to know he's certain, for some reason.......]

[Dammit, why did he feel so weird!? But somehow, he goes on after a pause of hesitation.]

I don't care if it's lame, or whatever... It's not like I just randomly consider people my friends, either. If I'm sure I like someone that much, it's fine no matter what happens, right?

[He finally tears his intense stare away and floods with nerves, but his stomach and chest are squirming not.. entirely in a bad way. This was dangerous... He thought, breathing in carefully. This was really, really dangerous.......]

[He had been thinking about Killua all night, while he was out at that party. He hadn't been just training his Pokémon, or reading. He'd been thinking about earlier.... He couldn't stop thinking about it.]

[His heart quickens.]

It could be a boy or a girl... I... I don't mind either one.... [He adds quietly, after a moment, gaze dropped down to the counter.]

[Killua leans back, blinking in incredulous surprise with Blue's blunt assertion. Killua's face prickles in kind with some extra heat, a stirring in his chest arising... it makes sense to him. Blue's really sentimental. he's realized in the last month or so that he's probably sort of unfairly aware of that, compared to other people.

then when Blue admits it could be a boy, Killua tries not to fall out of his seat. he does, however, choke on his water, and ensues a graceful coughing session. he pounds his fist on the counter, recovering, then with wide, teary eyes, eyebrows totally hidden in his bangs, Killua whips his head back up, leaning bodily on the counter.]

A-a boy?

[no, Killua, no, damn it, that's not why you're surprised...!

he shakes his head, blinking. he gives another little cough, wincing an eye.]

I didn't know... well I mean, of course I didn't, but I didn't think you were bisexual. A girl I ran into at the party is, too. She's got her hands full...

[he flushes, feeling self conscious. what an asshole he was; he hadn't even really previously considered bisexual people, and now tonight, he feels like he's been met with two instances by peers his own age! both of a different gender!]

...I feel kinda bad, I feel like... I don't think about that enough, when thinking about other people...

[he feels like he can hear his own heartbeat. like he can hear the blood rushing in his veins. he clears his throat.]

[There was something more important than it being someone he liked too, but Blue doesn't have the chance to even consider adding that- Killua's violent reaction to his admission takes him completely off-guard, and for a moment he just gawks as he chokes, sputters, and completely fails to get any kind of grip on himself.]

[It's almost impressive. Cartoonish, even.] --Are you okay!? [He blurts out, rushing to Killua's side and patting his back. Which probably doesn't help Killua, at all, but Blue isn't thinking about that right now. He tries to help the glass out of his hand so he doesn't dump it everywhere, by the time he's catching his breath.]

['A boy' he blurts out, incredulously, and Blue almost thinks with disgust- he nearly balks with hurt, until he clarifies his shock.]

I-- [He had never even thought about applying that, or any label to himself before- he'd never had to, was only just having the earliest of attractions and experiences since arriving here- and he flushes hard at the call out.]

[Is that... what he is? Well, he supposes... Even though when it came to girls, he always felt so much more detached than with the boys he'd found himself liking....]

[Blue stares at him as he rambles guiltily, and raises an eyebrow. He doesn't understand why he's seemingly apologizing, or why he would feel bad? Even though Blue would normally make a comment about just this sort of presumption, but....]

[Wait]

[What did Killua think about him?]

[Killua had thought about him???]

I-you... [He stutters, hand lifting away, and suddenly realizing his proximity. His heart thuds in his chest. He can see how glossy and unfocused Killua's eyes are from here, but they also look.. Kind of good......] ...It's not like anyone would normally expect you to just think about that kind of thing, you don't have to.. feel bad.......

[Arceus. What is he even saying anymore.]

[KILLUA DOESN'T KNOW, HE'S DRUNK. he jumps a little, initially, from Blue's touch, and the hazy unfocused quality of his eyes momentarily sharpens as he glances sideways at Blue, the tips of his ears all gone pink. but he doesn't protest. just kind of sways, very slightly, quite stupidly.]

I dunno, don't most people make assumptions like that?

[he fidgets, feeling embarrassed, his hand clenching into a fist. he watches how his own flesh twists from the motion, how his veins shift.]

...Like, how most people are straight... so people would usually assume...

[The tension in the moment lessens, just slightly, and Blue swallows hard and manages to put a step backwards of space between them.]

[Still, he has such an intense gaze upon Killua now, rapt and curious, and gently shakes his head.]

Yeah, I guess they do. Well... you're right, I usually assume boys like girls, and girls like boys....

But, that's why I'm not mad. [He bites his lips, an almost-smile, gentle, and fidgets.]

[He wants to ask.]

[He wants to know for sure.]

[There's definitely ...no way Killua likes girls, right? He's pretty sure, but............]

[He stares at him, lips working, and yet he doesn't say whatever words he's chewing on. Like he's trying to understand, just by eye contact.]

[What the Furret is he doing!? Acting like this with Killua, when... Does it matter?? What is it he wants, anyway??]

[His breath holds.]

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